Every leader I’ve worked with has done it. An employee brings you a
problem, you can see the answer in about four seconds, and you give it
to them. Or you take the file, fix it, and send it back. It feels
efficient. It feels kind. It’s often the worst thing you could have done
for that person.
I call this rescuing, and after more than 500 consulting engagements,
I’ve come to believe it’s one of the most common and least discussed
reasons good organizations stall.
What rescuing actually is
Rescuing is any well-meant action that removes the struggle someone
needs in order to grow. It shows up as redoing work instead of coaching
it, answering questions people could answer themselves, quietly
absorbing consequences for missed deadlines, or stepping into conflicts
that two adults could resolve.
None of these come from bad intentions. Most come from leaders who
care, who are capable and who are under time pressure. That’s exactly
why rescuing is so hard to see. It looks like leadership.
Why it backfires
When you rescue someone, three things happen.
First, they learn that the fastest route to a solution is you. Next
time, they’ll come sooner.
Second, you become the bottleneck. Your calendar fills with other
people’s problems, and the strategic work that only you can do gets
pushed to evenings and weekends.
Third, and this is the cost most leaders miss, your strongest people
notice. They watch the struggling colleague get your time and attention
while they get more work. Over time, you’ve built a system where
weakness is rewarded and strength is taxed.
Helping or rescuing? A quick
test
Before you step in, ask yourself three questions:
- Can they do this with some effort? If yes, your job
is to support the effort, not replace it. - Will doing it for them make them more or less capable next
time? Be honest. - Whose need am I meeting? Sometimes we rescue
because it feels good to be needed, or because watching someone struggle
is uncomfortable for us.
If the honest answers point toward “they can, it won’t help and it’s
mostly about me,” you’re about to rescue.
What to do instead
Stopping rescuing doesn’t mean walking away. People still need
support. The shift is from carrying them to giving them the rope.
- Answer a question with a question. “What have you
tried?” and “What would you do if I weren’t here?” are two of the most
useful sentences a leader can learn. - Agree on the next step, then leave it with them.
Close every conversation with “So what’s your next move, and when will
you have it done?” - Let natural consequences land. If a missed deadline
has a consequence, don’t absorb it. Talk about it, learn from it, and
let it count. - Coach the pattern, not the problem. If the same
issue keeps coming back, the problem isn’t the task. It’s the skill or
confidence behind it. - Make it safe to struggle. People will only stop
running to you if they know that trying, and sometimes failing, won’t be
punished.
Expect it to
feel worse before it feels better
When you stop rescuing, things slow down for a few weeks. People push
back. Some will escalate, hoping you’ll cave. Work takes longer than it
would if you just did it. That’s the investment. Within a couple of
months, the questions change from “Can you fix this?” to “Here’s what
I’m planning; any concerns?”
That’s when you know it’s working.
Where to go from here
In The Hero’s Rope, I break rescuing into 20 specific
behaviours, each with examples, a self-assessment and practical
alternatives. If you want to build the habit one day at a time, The
Hero’s Rope: 365 Days of Fire gives you one short entry and one
action for every day of the year.
Wesley Paterson, CMC is a Canadian management consultant, keynote speaker, President of Paterson Consulting Inc., and author of The Hero’s Rope and The Hero’s Rope: 365 Days of Fire.
